Our inner stories chug along at a medium volume and tempo, sometimes increasing in intensity, sometimes decreasing in intensity. They speed up and get louder when we see what we like and want. And, when we see what we don’t want.
Effective listening is easiest when inner stories are undetectable, when successful, it generates the condition of feeling understood.
Understanding and feeling understood are relief from the burden of confusion. We can slow and quiet down the inner stories by challenging the belief that agree and disagree are always critical, sometimes, they just get in the way. You can measure how well you listen, by asking the speaker; “Do you think I understand you yet?”
You know you are on track when they say “No”. Almost all of the time, they will follow that up with something they want you to understand. Keep listening and repeating your understanding until they say; “Yes, you got it!”
At that moment, your relationship will be in a new place – less confusion.
Teach them how to do this, that’s how you’ll learn
